Do you still have your period?
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
