I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
