If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
