Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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