Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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