I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
