Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
