I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
