smell my finger.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
