why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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