you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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