Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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