There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
