A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
