Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
