my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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