Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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