i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I cut my penus on the lid.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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