My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
