You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
