Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
