You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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