I can text with my tongue
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
