I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
