I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
