Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
