i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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