i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
