Plan B is the new Plan A
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
