WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
