i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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