I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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