can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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