How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
