am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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