If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He passed out mid-signature
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my liver is dry heaving
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