I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
