There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
