What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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