the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i think i have herpe
just one?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
