i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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