oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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