Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
