Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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