My sheets look like a crime scene.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
