Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
