i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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