I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
