He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
