the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
