The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
