I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will pee on everything he values.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
