seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
